Good Grief

When I set my yearly intention for 2020, I framed it up with four words: a noun (clarity), a verb (cultivate), a color (green) and a feeling (joy). These remain at the top of my Word document that inform my daily pursuits and is an intentional reminder of how I want to live each day. I had clarity that I would focus my professional energies on my responsibilities as the Executive Director of Raleigh City Farm. I would continue to cultivate my own personal well-being, that of my family and friends as well as other core community service projects. I would revel in the natural world and steward all of the green spaces and plants that I love inside and outside my home, at the Farm and at our retreat in Boone. Lucky me. And finally, I would unabashedly pursue joy.

I added a fifth word to my frame - sorrow - when the unimaginable became a reality. When my eldest and only sister, Laurie, was taken away by a tragic car accident on August 9th. Everyone can recall a moment when your world changed. When you’ve had the most beautiful day, then the phone rings and you hear news that brings you to your knees. I’m grappling with denial and disbelief and recognize the trauma that is part of my journey. I’ve been showered with flowers and gifts and so much love and support from a community with boundless generosity. I’ve reached out and pulled back and watched my mind and body come to terms with this devastating loss.

And I continue to be amazed at the relentless beauty that surrounds me and the joy that it brings. A bike ride to the NCMA to view the sunflower, zinnia and cosmos field with a friend. The inside of a zinnia that I planted at the Farm that I will harvest, turn into a bouquet and sell to a grateful customer. A perfect piece of key lime pie made by my loving husband who has my back at every twist and turn. The faces of my sons on our weekly Zoom call. The moss on rocks in the woods. The gleaming “gazing ball” gifted by a neighbor that resides in my garden as a memorial. The hummingbirds that alight on our salvia in the morning. The morning light in my newly painted bedroom and the feel of pale pink linen sheets when I retire at night.

As the last one standing in my original family of four, I recognize and honor my responsibility to carry on the Grele Family legacy and the daunting task of experiencing joy for four. This is an intention that can further fuel my purpose on this journey of grief. Good Grief. So much love to those who are holding my hand and heart.

How I am Getting Grounded: 2020 Reprise

Why do we write in journals? Why do we post blogs? For me, the answer can be found in the learning and insight we receive from reopening the books and revisiting the stories we wrote to ourselves and shared with others. My blog post from August 2, 2017 was titled “How I am Getting Grounded.” It was the preamble to the launch of my consulting business and my plan for “cultivating leadership well-being.” Rereading it in the mountains of Boone this weekend was inspiring and somewhat exhausting. There is no question that I was ready to leave my previous leadership position and move into new spaces to influence positive change in others.

Taking stock of what I’ve accomplished over these last three years, I do feel grounded in the knowledge that I followed my heart and stayed rooted in my purpose. My first year was all about “leaping into new possibilities” and extending myself into a diverse and delightful assortment of organizations and projects. The second year was a more careful process of curating and “choosing what not to do,” to bring me closer to a balanced life to honor my core value of personal well-being. This last year has been digging deeper into the soil at Raleigh City Farm and honoring my desire to reorient my focus to one organization.

So, this blog represents the “official” closing of my consulting business, and the continuation of my efforts to cultivate plants and people. To exercise my innate leadership capabilities in the right places. To honor my creative gifts and share them with others. To love more deeply and give more freely – to myself, my family and my community. To move more lightly through the world, while stewarding its bounty. And finally, to dive more deeply into an examination of my white privilege and join the fight for racial justice and equity. What a time we live in. What an opportunity to tap into a global sense of urgency and hunger for change. 

Adapting to the Postponement of April

Our lives and everyday conversations have changed radically as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. We discuss hand washing, social distancing, quarantines, supply chains, essential personnel, protocol, paper products. And we want this to end. April had been packed with pleasure: events, parties, shows, trips, and family gatherings, under the canopy of newly leafed trees surrounded by exuberant spring flowers. But that was then and this is now. In this critical month, when one-quarter of the world’s citizens is practicing some form of “Stay-at-Home” order, I’m sharing some thoughts on how I am adapting and staying grounded during this “New Normal:”

INTELLECTUAL – What am I thinking about? Thoughts are often reflections of what you’ve read or who you’ve spoken to. Even in the best of times, I can find my mind churning out unhealthy, useless chatter – sound familiar? Limiting the intake of negative news and unhealthy opinions is a good strategy. Paying attention to reports from the WHO, the CDC, the WSJ, the NYT and a few other trusted outlets has been helpful. Seeking out voices of support, comfort and optimism is essential. Feeling overwhelming gratitude for our scientists and healthcare workers is humbling.

EMOTIONAL – What am I feeling? I’ve gone through several phases of semi-denial, anger and fear interlaced with a thin veneer of anxiety. I found this article written by Scott Berinato extremely useful in providing a framework for making sense of this time through the lens of grief. Perhaps naming it helps manage it, while remembering that everyone has their own timetable to move through these phases. Arriving at the endpoint of “meaning” gives me hope. Processing could take a lifetime and that’s OK.

PHYSICAL – How am I moving my body to enhance my well-being? I continue to bike and walk and spend as much time outdoors as possible, with the occasional game of tennis with my husband. Because I am an avid gardener, there are so many green things vying for my attention. As the Executive Director of Raleigh City Farm, I am digging in the dirt more than ever and taking enormous pleasure in tending the soil and watching things grow. The determination and resilience of the natural world is a miracle.

SOCIAL – How am I connecting? I feel privileged that my ecosystem of connections is varied and vast. The importance of engaging more deeply with my husband and sons (and two cats) is paramount. Taking time to connect and share is essential. Keeping up with my sister, friends, neighbors, partners and extended networks through phone calls, emails, notes and social platforms with stepped up Zoom gatherings has been fulfilling. Making masks, doling out flowers, sharing resources: all of these activities keep me grounded.

SPIRITUAL – How am I growing and deriving meaning? A tougher challenge for sure. Several creative and courageous thought leaders jump to the top of my “Watch List”on Instagram including Elizabeth Gilbert and Brene Brown. Carving out time to listen to their wisdom provides solace and stability. Following the journey of my friends at blue lotus has been gratifying. Rereading the poetry of Mary Oliver is always inspirational. Spending more time in the mountains of Boone to recharge and restore is a precious gift.

Wishing everyone good health and well-being during the month of April. See you on the other side!

February Focus on Farming

I’m excited to begin the month of February firmly planted in the role of Executive Director at Raleigh City Farm. In 2011, when I first learned about the opening of a farm around the corner from where I live, something took root in my soul. I began to engage in a limited capacity, then gradually became more and more involved, creating the weekly “Wine + Weeds” event in 2013, joining the board in 2015 and becoming co-chair, then volunteer Interim General Manager in 2019. It’s been a challenging and rewarding journey.

Cultivating plants and people is where I am called to serve — to focus my energies on the stewardship of my neighborhood and our Dear Mother Earth while deepening my knowledge and appreciation of farming and horticulture. I feel very fortunate to be part of an incredibly dynamic team of volunteers who are dedicated to the mission of RCF and focused on how the nonprofit can play an even larger role in making our community healthier and more sustainable. Please email lisa@raleighcityfarm.org if you’re interested in digging in!

Simple Reflections on Turning 60

I turn 60 on October 2; what a joy, privilege and responsibility! I can think of no better muse than Edith Wharton who wrote this simple, poignant quote in her autobiography, “A Backward Glance:”

“In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.“

Let’s reframe “aging” to “living!” Let’s show up with all of the love, light and gratitude we can muster! And, (note to self) let’s give ourselves all of the credit we deserve for doing so, without apology.

Happy Birthday to me and everyone who celebrates this milestone!

The Anticipation of Travel

A week from today I will greet the morning in Big Sky, Montana in the company of four dear college friends. This reunion will honor our 60th birthdays with a heart-stopping itinerary organized by our host, that includes: hiking, horseback riding, dining and drinking in assorted “moonlight” yurts and such, canoeing, paddle boarding, mountain biking, fly fishing, hot tubbing, yoga and a private tour of Yellowstone National Park. I am slightly giddy with anticipation and infinitely grateful for this opportunity to reconnect with my Bucknell roomies to hug, reminisce, catch up, laugh, cry and revel in our reunion; the last one took place twenty years ago. So, what has happened over one-third of our lives? That’s a big question!

Writing allows me the space to revel in the anticipation of this trip and reflect on how it came together. It took many emails, calls, calendar checks and back and forth communication. Making these five days a priority was the goal; the side benefit was the reconnection, and social channels like LinkedIn and Instagram were the magical windows that gave us a view into each other’s lives. Twenty years ago, as the world pondered the implications of Y2K, I celebrated thirteen years of marriage and jumped back into full-time work. My boys were three and seven, I lived in Michigan, my parents and in-laws were alive, Gore won but lost the election and 9/11 was on the horizon. I was living out a full, boisterous life, focused on family, work and play.

How do you measure twenty years? How do you plan for the next twenty? How can you land more fully and gracefully in the present? Look for the answer inside your question. ~ Rumi

The Scent of Well-being

There is a bumper crop of gardenia blooms in my backyard — the perfect ingredient to cultivate my leadership well-being. This heirloom species is one of the reasons I wanted to purchase our house. Their lush, white petals and intoxicating scent uplift my spirits. This year’s bounty is a testament to the resilience of the shrub and the care and feeding I have lavished on it over the past sixteen years. It has been skewered by ice and snow storms, riddled with white flies and thrips, and defoliated by scorching heat and winter burn. In turn, I have hired experts to manage pests and fertilize and I’ve pruned it relentlessly. This is truly a five-star season.

I start and end each day in the garden, taking in the fragrance, snipping more blooms and snapping photos. I fill up vases and place them all over the house. I take bouquets to meetings, give them away with abandon and invite friends to harvest their own. There is great pleasure in handing off these gorgeous gifts that are both precious and fleeting. In the next two weeks, the petals will turn yellow, then brown, then fall to the ground. The pests will most likely return as the summer heat bears down and drains the moisture from the soil. I’ll hold onto my fragrant memories and revel in this scent of well-being. And patiently await their return next year.

Considering the Magical Properties of Laughter

Last night I attended a show, titled “Murder for Two” at NC Theatre. Alone. It was one of the best decisions I made that day. The laughter vibe bubbled up immediately when I exclaimed, “Murder for One, please,” upon picking up my solo stub at will call ( thank you Donna, Alice and Kim). My seat was in the front row, house left, and I was sandwiched in-between three long-time patrons - two women and a man. I was flattered that they remembered me (after all, I was the CEO for nearly nine years) and the initial banter was concern over their seating. They loved the front row, but was this too far left, was the view obstructed? I insisted that I switch seats and engaged in a thumb war to seal the deal. They would not budge, but we enjoyed a good chuckle!

It’s hard to explain the incessant energy and outsized talent of the two men on stage who sing, act (13 roles), dance, AND play acrobatic piano duets. The show is described as the “perfect blend of music, mayhem and murder,” but it is so much more. The comedic timing and relentless humor had me laughing from start to finish. My seat mates and I exchanged incredulous glances and smiles throughout this nonstop romp. I snorted and belly-laughed in tune with a symphony of audience merriment. At the end I felt slightly exhausted, exhilarated and in awe of how these two actors kept the audience (and each other) engaged and entertained for over 90 minutes. The camaraderie continued as the audience filed out of the theatre - everyone was buzzing and talking and smiling. Bravo NC Theatre!

What a pleasure to take a well-deserved break from the relentless news cycle that can debilitate and divide. Last night was a potent reminder of theatre’s relevant role in building community and uplifting our spirits. Do yourself a favor - indulge in a night of laughter with NC Theatre - you’ll feel its magical properties!

Celebrating National Poetry Month

I set out to write my monthly blog and realized that honoring a beloved, recently departed poet was a far better choice. Mary Oliver lives on in her achingly beautiful poems that celebrate the natural world and impart simple lessons about the importance of paying attention and living in the moment. This month, I will also be designing an invitation to celebrate the life of my recently departed mother-in-law, Eleanor Barrie, who worshipped in the church of nature and always reminded me to “Stop and smell the roses.” I’ll be reading this poem at her ceremony and reminding myself, over and over again, to heed its message.

INVITATION

Oh do you have time to linger for just a little while out of your busy

and very important day for the goldfinches that have gathered in a field of thistles

for a musical battle, to see who can sing the highest note, or the lowest,

or the most expressive of mirth, or the most tender? Their strong, blunt beaks drink the air

as they strive melodiously not for your sake and not for mine

and not for the sake of winning but for sheer delight and gratitude - believe us, they say,

it is a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in this broken world. I beg of you,

do not walk by without pausing to attend to this rather ridiculous performance.

It could mean something. It could mean everything. It could be what Rilke meant when he wrote:

You must change your life.

~ Mary Oliver

Grounded, Green, Growth and Gratitude

March: the month of spring’s return with renewed hope as new green life, dormant throughout the winter, emerges from the ground. Setting my eyes on Mother Nature’s gifts keeps me grounded and cultivates my leadership well-being. The garden beckons and reminds us that there is much work to be done and new beginnings are possible every day.

I’ve been reading a book by Daniel H. Pink titled “When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing.” It puts the question of “when?” into the center of the conversation, and could be a useful shift to those of us who have been focused on the “why?” It also shares fascinating information about human behavior and explores how mid points in life or projects can result in “slumps” or “sparks.”

Spring and all of its glorious awakenings can be a great catalyst for setting new intentions. Have you spent time considering what new growth will happen for you and when it will emerge?